Love and Pee-Pee

Dear Sass,

I have a pee-pee pants problem. Little bits of pee seem to find their way, no matter what I do, onto my boxer shorts. And then, when I get into bed that night, my gf doesn't much like the pee-pee scents wafting up from underneath the covers (I don't know HOW she smells it). She encourages me to take off my boxers and sleep sans pants, which in theory sounds fine, and in fact sometimes I choose to do this on my own without suggestion, but the mentioning of the pee-pees always makes me feel...defeated. No matter how many times I try to use a square of tp or jiggle, it's still a curse. How can I come to terms with my pee-pees and not feel so defeated?

Best,
Mr. P

Dear Mr. P,

I want to acknowledge the ways in which you are already addressing the pee issue. It sounds like you're open to finding something that works for your girlfriend while honoring your own feelings, which isn't always easy to do. 

Your story is funny, but it touches on some of the most serious questions of accepting and loving our bodies without shame. One thing that is thrilling about intimate relationships is that we have the potential to relax some of the restrictions we place around our bodies in order to function socially. Over time the smells and sounds and sights that would repel us in strangers become familiar, sometimes even beloved. As we come to accept the shadow side of each other's personalities- the fears and insecurities and irritating idiosyncrasies- there can be a parallel acceptance of the shadow side of each other's bodies- the sicknesses and limitations, the intimate functions that we all share but rarely share. And what is potentially miraculous about this more complicated and unconditioned acceptance of each other is that it can lead us to a deeper acceptance of our own imperfect selves. 

All of this is true. And yet we find ourselves in bed, snuggling in for the night with our gf, and suddenly the accepted, familiar scent of pee comes wafting out from under the covers. Does the fact that this smell is repugnant to our lover undermine the unconditional love we are building? Does it point to some deeper rejection of our body? Does it mean we are unacceptable, unlovable? 

I think it might just mean that pee is still stinky even if it is the pee of our beloved. And if we can really believe this- in the simultaneous truth of unconditional love and the stinkiness of pee- then maybe it won't feel so hard to change into PJ's at night instead of wearing the day's pee-pee undies, or sleep naked, or to simply squeeze your gf tight and ask her if she can stand it for tonight because you're just too tired to do anything about it. 

Your question is important, and I'd love to hear what others think. In the meantime, I wish you all the best of luck.

Yours Truly,

Sass